I was watching Rizzoli and Isles on TNT Tuesday night. The episode name in the directory was called “Bassholes.” I think I need to create a Google alert for that phrase. When that title shows up, you have to watch.
I actually like the show. Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander are nice to look at, and if you are going to watch TV with your wife, there are worse things to watch than a show some are calling “Team Sexy Detectives.”
In this week’s episode they are investigating a murder that took place during a bass tournament. They even have a guy named “Skeet” who is trying to get a date with Angie Harmon (Jane Rizzoli). Actually looks sort-of like the real Skeet, which is the only thing that has any kind of true-to-life feel to it.
Skeet walks around with a flashy, satin jacket (Hey Skeet, the 1970s called and wants its jacket back) with the words “The Skeetster” stitched on the back.
The episode starts with guys fishing from bass boats scattered around what looks like a pond. The boats are on top of each other. I mean all around, almost rubbing rails with soon-to-be Dead Guy, and this isn’t even Kentucky Lake. I half expected one of them to say, “It ain’t fishing if you ain’t rubbing.”
One of the guys yells “fish on” and reels a 2-pounder straight to the tip of the rod and flails it about showing it off without touching it, and never getting it over the boat. He goes semi-Ike, but he doesn’t quite have the passion.
Some of these guys are wearing a single-sponsor shirt. A guy with a Randy Howell high-and-tight hair cut, has a “Buzz Cut” fishing shirt. The nimrod with the 2-pounder has a “Pond Voyager” shirt on.
The soon-to-be Dead Guy is obviously peeved. He has the same look I saw many times on the faces of Elite guys at Kentucky Lake a few weeks ago. He moves away from the group by first kneeling down and actually turning on his trolling motor. (Does anyone actually turn off their trolling motor on the water?)
Next we see him around the point where he catches one about 5 pounds. Despite the struggle to wrestle it in the boat, it is obviously a pillow. There’s not even a rod in his hand. Nor is there anyone around, but he still holds it up and shows it off like he’s on the weigh-in stage. If the fish had been real, it would have been a cool scene. I kind of thought he might go Ike for a moment.
Instead, soon-to-be Dead Guy puts the fish in the rear compartment instead of the livewell. He looks around and walks to the front deck and promptly gets plugged by a crossbow bolt, which for you complete fish heads is an arrow. We can only hope no one got any ideas from this scene.
The next time you see the fish, which is what most of you are really worried about, it has transformed from pillow to a sure-nuff real bass in an aquarium in the forensics lab. He looks a little peaked, but he would cull in most every tournament. Where they got it, one can only guess — maybe there are agents for that type of thing. I assume Sasha (Isles) is going to filet, I mean autopsy, the only witness to the crime.
This is a big deal because somewhere in downtown Boston they are holding a tournament where the winner gets $100,000 and then moves to “Nationals” for a $500,000 top prize. That’s motive right there, even in Boston. That would be a derby to get into, even if you had to wear a bullet-proof vest.
Story line has a Semi-Sexy Lure Maker (or SSLM) baking lures and they stink, which makes Angie (Jane Rizzoli) want to puke. SSLM plops down a cookie sheet from the oven and the lures are a lineup of hardbaits, like jerkbaits and crankbaits (Who researches this stuff?). We learn she slept with the dead guy, who is going through a divorce.
The underlying theme is fishermen are cheaters (in tournaments, not marriage) and fishermen should be the prime suspects. That’s why SSLM doesn’t date fishermen. Dead Guy, though, was a “poet who fished,” which is different. Evidently, some of us might want to brush up on our Edgar Allen Poe reading.
The prime suspects are not bothered that the poet who fishes is dead. They want to know how he was cheating since he was kicking their butt. What self-respecting bass angler wants to get beat by a poet?
They say: “He combs our lakes, he takes our fish, he takes our women!”
What? Isn’t that exactly what we all strived to do when we were younger? But we know that could never happen outside of Boston, at least by a poet. Try that on Kentucky Lake and you might get a crossbow bolt to your back.
One of the suspects gets downright poetic by saying, “Fishing is a cruel mistress.” That might be the most accurate line of the episode.
After the interviews, it’s pointed out: “The lake is full of cheaters, want-to-be cheaters and cheaters who haven’t been caught yet.”
Wow! Whatever happened to political correctness? Plain to see the writers for this episode are out of touch. Obviously, Boston is a hot bed of cheaters, although there was no mention of the Patriots or Deflategate in this episode. But you get where these folks are coming from.
In some kind of innuendo “Big Rods Sporting Goods” is a company involved in the story.
Halfway through: The Detectives are paddling around in a canoe on a lake because a “motor would scare the fish.” They are talking about life issues/men. Angie (Rizzoli) makes the statement:
“I don’t know what I’m looking for but it ain’t Skeet.”
If you want to keep your tea in your mouth, do not watch this scene. I missed parts of this episode with a mop in my hand.
Meanwhile our Detectives are scanning the bottom of the lake with an underwater camera. They find a rusty stringer that supposedly can hold “really big fish.” Now the two are convinced someone was cheating, probably Dead Guy.
After a commercial break that did not include any commercials for “Big Rod Sporting Goods” or “Buzz Cut,” they are in the interrogation room.
“Sometimes the rules change and it takes awhile to catch up,” one angler/suspect says.
Things are shifting back around to SSLM after angler/suspect implies Dead Guy and her were arguing before the derby.
“Could be this murder isn’t about fish” Angie (Jane Rizzoli) said, even though they have never even mentioned the crowding of anglers in the initial scene, which for some anglers is motive for murder. (I think they totally missed it on that one.)
Back from break:
Sasha (Dr. Maura Isles) is back on the lake in a bay boat with her love interest. They are driving at a slow idle and come to the spot where Dead Guy got dead. I looked away for a moment (still mopping from “it ain’t Skeet” remark) and I think she released the forensic fish. She then realizes this is where Dead Guy got shot, figuring out angles and drops of the arrow/bolt while standing on the rear deck of the boat. All kinds of forensic information that makes it seem like they have just figured out something big.
Back at the station, evidently, Dead Guy had a lucrative deal from “Big Rods” but the wife, who is now a widow, is sending back $50,000 because Dead Guy wanted to prove he was making a “clean break from fishing.”
What in the heck is wrong with this picture? I believe some of us could have helped that guy along.
Skeet keeps showing up, trying to get Angie on a date still wearing his 1970s satin jacket with “Skeetster” stitched across the back. Note to you single guys: You want a date with Angie Harmon, ditch your granddad’s fishing jacket.
He’s pushing hard (who wouldn’t?), but Angie’s not buying it. But he says some things that make Angie (Rizzoli) think that maybe SSLM isn’t on the up and up.
Back from break: SSLM is in the interview room getting the once over from Angie. Angie (Rizzoli) points out that when Dead Guy fished in events she didn’t “officiate,” he finished in the 70s and 80s. But when she “officiated,” he won.
Angie (Rizzoli): “Do you own a crossbow?’ SSLM’s response: “Everyone owns a crossbow.” I did not know that. Need to get one.
SSLM says Dead Guy didn’t know anything about fish or fishing. But she was teaching him everything she knew. That had to be some real interesting pillow talk right there.
Meanwhile, SSLM unloads on Dead Guy, calling him, “Human fish repellent.” That has to be the most hurtful thing anyone could ever say about someone. I can’t believe it got past the censors. Where are the PC police? I think I had a tear roll down my cheek, but it might have been a splash of tea.
Evidently SSLM loved Human Fish Repellent, also known as Dead Guy, so she “Salted the water, changed the weights on tally sheet. I just wanted him to be happy.”
Dead Guy found out about it and was going to leave the world of fishing. SSLM was not happy. Note to young guys; do not anger a woman who owns a crossbow.
Then they were going to put Dead Guy on the cover of a magazine. I’m glad they didn’t say it was Bassmaster Magazine. Dave Precht would have blown a gasket and spent his evening mopping his living room floor.
SSLM points out that all her fishing knowledge would never get a cover shot and a big deal from “Big Rods.” Not to mention Human Fish Repellent/Dead Guy is going to back to his wife.
SSLM winds up admitting to killing Human Fish Repellent/Dead Guy. Nothing says love and happiness like a crossbow bolt to the back.
“We could have been king and queen of the lakes,” she said.
After that line, I had to go pick up the mop again before the show’s ending cleanup.
Skeet finally talks Angie (Jane Rizzoli) into going out on his boat for “10 minutes to see the sunset.” The dude is persistent, which is obviously why they call him the “Skeetster.”
Semifinal scene is them sitting in a boat on the streets of Boston watching the sunset down the street and drinking champagne, while Angie (Jane Rizzoli) counts the minutes out loud; “Seven minutes.”
Skeet offers a toast: “To Jane, who I will forever be thinking about while I’m in my boat.”
Wow, the guy is a silver-tongued devil. I have got to remember that line.
Angie (Jane Rizzoli) looks at him like he’s crazy, kind of the same look I had. But she was holding a champagne glass. I was holding a mop.
Then he says, “My boat used to be called the ‘Skeetster.’” He then points to the side and the camera scans down to show it now is named the “Janester.” The guy is as smooth as a windy takeoff on Lake Erie.
They click glasses of champagne while sitting in the boat and Angie says “give me a call next time you are in Boston.”
Before any of you guys start lettering your boat with “Janester,” I have to remind you that all of this was television drama. You really can’t make this up, but someone did. Unfortunately, those of us who are a little more serious about our sport just have to deal with it.
What was it the guy said? “Fishing is a cruel mistress.”