Grumpy old men: Deja deux

Don Barone
Will these men be smiling after reading this column?

About the author

Don Barone

Don Barone

db has been in the reporting biz for over 30 years, won some Emmys and other awards, but is proudest of his four-decade marriage, his two kids and the fact he founded Tackle The Storm Foundation to help children.

“Elite Event Housing Needed”

Dateline: TX, AR, GA, AL, WI, NY, MI…

“Up this morning before the sun…”

“Dang it this *@!%& phone.”

That there pretty much exact quote came from Paul Elias, Bassmaster Classic Champion, and my roommate.

‘cept Paul didn’t use symbols to describe the phone.

You see, he was trying to call me, and either couldn’t figure out the iPhone, or was out of range…’cept there was this one mitigating factor that lead to me having to use symbols for Paul’s speech patterns…

…Paul was trying to call me, while in the backseat of Shaw Grigsby’s truck.

And I was in the front seat.

He was trying to do that thing where you call a friend so they get your number in their phone,

‘cept…after a couple of tries Paul just used a scrap of paper with his phone number on it to get it into my phone.

That worked.

So I can write this plea pretty much positive that Paul won’t be reading it since he does most of his interneting  on that same phone.

Shaw on the other hand is going to be more difficult to slip this story by him.

I’ve emailed his wife Polly several times with suggestions of throwing his phone in the creek out back of the house…maybe accidently stepping on his glasses a couple of dozen times.

For some reason she hasn’t emailed me back.

I thought of maybe sending him, accidently of course, one of his favorite things to eat, sushi, maybe just accidently of course, slipping in some bad sushi…but since I don’t myself personally eat bait, I couldn’t tell the difference between the supposedly good eatin’ sushi, and the accidental bad eatin’ sushi that would do no more harm then strapping Shaw to the toilet for the several days this story will run.

So if anyone is going catch me on this story…it’s going to be that wonderful, saintly, fun loving, handsome, genius, never gets mad, Shaw.

Here’s the deal why I’m hoping me and B.A.S.S. can sneak this by my two roommates, the last thing I told my roommates right before I told them the real last thing, “Bye,” was this, “No problem dudes I’ll find the housing for next year…piece of cake.”

And then…I forgot.

Paul dude…if that is you calling me about this…your phone isn’t working yet!

“…fixed me some coffee and a honey bun…”


while I haven’t actually told my roommates this yet, we are what you could possibly, technically call…homeless.

It’s a purely technical call because when we are where we normally are and not at where we are supposed to get, we have homes, but when we get to the place we have to get to, that’s where the trouble seems to pop up.

Because when we get to where we need to get, the homes we are supposed to be getting to and staying in don’t know nothing about us since while I do know where we have to get the places we have to get to don’t know nothing about us getting there since I sort of forgot to tell them that we were getting there.

Going to take a lot of good or bad sushi to get out of this one.

No Paul, I still can’t hear you asking me about our place in La Crosse, Wisconsin, your breaking up…