db: Menendez’s return

I knew this story was coming, the story of the return of Mark Menendez to the Elites, his taking to the water in competition following the passing of his beloved wife.

“Cause when I look to the sky…”

Dateline: Elites #1, Sabine River

Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
Jack Lemmon

The only thing that matters in life, is love.

If you don’t believe that, turn the page.

The only thing that matters in life, is kindness.

If you don’t believe that, turn the page.

When final judgment comes and questions are asked of you, the quiz will not be about your management skills, your investment portfolio, instead we will answer for passing puppies by the side of the road, instead we will answer for the kind in man, that we left behind.

Love not, enter not.

If you believe in heaven, true love, is a little taste of it.

“…something tells me…”

In the East Texas humidity, water running down my back, ends of my hair dripping I stood under a tent as all those around me looked into red bags of green fish, all but one.

Mark Menendez.

Mark was looking off, staring at something no one else could see.

As I put my arm around the shoulder of my friend, he softly leaned into me and said, “db, this was one of the hardest days of my life.”

His eyes turned red, tears replaced the sweat on my face.

And he went back to staring, looking, I know, for help, help from his wife Donna, Donna who passed away March 25th of last year, an anniversary just five days away, and I felt as I had my arm around his shoulder, felt a deep breath escape, felt my friend, shrink into memories of love.

“…you’re here with me…”

For the past several months, I knew this story was coming, the story of the return of Mark to the Elites, his taking to the water in competition following the passing of his beloved wife, and also my friend, Donna.

Here’s the story I wrote about when we first knew of Donna’s disease: A Love Story: Mark Menendez’s fight to save his wife from pancreatic cancer

And the follow up story on Donna’s passing: An Open Letter to Carolina and Max Menendez

Even though I knew this day would someday arrive, I was ill prepared emotionally, let’s be honest here, to deal with this.

If you love something with all you can love with, you’d have to be a rock to not understand, even in some small way, what Mark is dealing with.

I may not look it but I’m a tough guy, have swam for 30-plus years as a journalist in the cesspool of, on the front lines of all the meanness we human beings do to each other.

I have smelled and wiped off the real-life horror stories of the human race.

And yet as tough as that makes you, and yet as hard as that makes you, and yes, and yet as cold as that makes you, if it was my wife I could not have survived the last two years as Mark has, as Mark has had to do.

I will be honest with you, if Barb books before me, I’ll be booking pretty darn close myself, if not physically, absolutely mentally.

So knowing this was coming, last Sunday as the Elites signed in and had head shots taken for the new 2015 season, after all the howdies and hoopla quieted down, Mark and I sat down alone on a couch…

…and talked.

“…and you make everything alright…”

Me: “You okay dude.”

Mark: “I don’t have my number one fan here anymore, db.”

Wow, just wow.

I’m a journalist, but I’m also a human being, I’m also a friend, but even more so, I’m also a husband with a number one fan.

There will be no follow-up question to Mark after what he said, there will be no, “So tell me, how does that make you feel.” Asking questions like that after tragedies is not journalism, it’s travesty…don’t let FOX, CNN, or your local news get away with it.

Instead, I say exactly this: “……………….”

Nothing.

That’s the best question.

I have shouted as a journalist, but I have learned silence tells the story better than shouts.

“I gave my all these past two years db, I had a mountain to climb, I knew I couldn’t look down so all I could do, all I knew to do was to climb. db I just keep climbing.”

Respect in my game, like allowing someone to play through, like letting the leader have his spot, respect in my game is putting down the notebook, clicking the pen closed.

So I did.

“March 25th will be the one year anniversary of her death, that’s just next week, I have to tell you the truth db, the real honest to god truth is, is, I have no real concept of the past 355 days, couldn’t tell you what I did most days, couldn’t tell you….”

Then Mark goes silent for a minute…

“…wait, let me take that back, these last 355 days, yeah I can tell you what I did, I held it together for my two children, Caroline and Max, then, then these last 355 days, I got by. Yeah, I managed to just get by.”

I wish I had the notebook open, I wish I had the pen in my hand, if so, either object would have helped stopped my hands from shaking after hearing this from my friend.

Wish.

“…and when I feel like I’m lost…”

“db, I’m not an inspiration, I did what I had to do, if people want to look at me as an inspiration, that’s okay, but really, I’m not.”

Really.

The moment Mark took his first step in the world without his “number one fan,” he became an inspiration to me.

The man stopped his life and devoted every waking moment to his children, putting others before yourself is pretty much the definition of someone who inspires.

Unbelievably, UNBELIEVABLY he tells me this, tells me he is, he himself is undergoing constant chemical skin peels for pre-cancerous cells that were found on his face and neck, “Yes it’s serious but we are treating it, treating it.”

He tells me, “Please tell the people out there to protect themselves, tell them to cover up from the sun.”

Still thinking of others at times like this, yeah bud, that’s inspiration.

Then, came this: “She knows.”

I don’t need to ask, ‘who knows,’ so I just listen.

“Donna, she knows I’m here, and db, you know what…”

I just smile, I know.

“…you know what…”

Mark wipes his eyes…

“…Donna is here.”

“…something tells me you’re here with me…”

Sweat drips from my face and into the holding tank Mark is standing next to, I still have my arm around his shoulders, comfort and support.

He is four anglers from going on to the Bassmaster stage, he has a limit in his bag, no limit in his heart.

He whispers to me, “db, it really hit me out there today…”

I know, I have been in his truck after he comes off the stage, know his first conversation about his day was always with Donna on the phone.

Knew in my heart, that’s where the biggest hit will come this day.

“I feel her with me, feel her touching me, still do, a swipe across my back when no one is behind me, a presence in a hallway, she’s here, she’s watching out for me…”

Knew that too, know that we humans know so little about so much.

“db…”

The initials, ‘db’ said in a way that made my head snap up, snap up and look into Mark’s eyes.

“db, Donna was with me today on the boat, I wasn’t catching anything, I was just standing there, things not going well and I suddenly started thinking of Donna, started talking to her, listening to what she was telling me, listening and then suddenly…WHACK…a bass slammed my bait…a big nice fish…”

I smile, I’m happy for him, don’t know quite what to make of what he just told me though.

“Then db, a little later in the day, things have been slow for awhile, I’m on the front of the boat and then suddenly Donna is there with me once again, and WHACK…at the exact moment she was there with me, another fish hit.”

On Thursday, Mark’s first tournament day back, a tough tournament, Mark…and Donna…came in with a five fish limit…10 pounds, 3 ounces.

A bigger bag then 94 of his fellow Elites.

A short time ago Mark weighed in with three fish for 5 pounds 5 ounces, bringing his two day total of eight fish to 15.8 pounds and with that made the 53 cut…Mark will fish tomorrow for a chance to compete on Championship Sunday.

As Mark said on stage, there were three people in his boat this tournament day:

Mark.

A Marshal.

And Donna, the spirit of Donna.

“…and I can always find my way…”

There comes in life moments of absolute clarity.

Some call it, ‘when the stars align.’

I believe it to be, glimpses of heaven.

If I precede Barb and pass away first I believe, if I have been good, I will be allowed to be there for her, whisper in the wind when she needs me, run my fingers softly across her hand that I always held, put a small scent of baby shampoo in the air around her.

Barb will know, love is eternal.

As Mark does now.

I have no doubt Donna stood on the bow of that boat with her husband.

I have no doubt every cast Mark makes will be guided by an invisible hand with painted nails, have no doubt that invisible feet with bright toenails will always dangle from the side of whatever boat Mark…Caroline and Max, ride.

I have no doubt, in the power of love.

No doubt, in faith.

Welcome back my friend, Mark…

…and welcome back to you as well…

…Donna.

We all know, the man above has given you…

…permission to come aboard.

“…when you are here.”
When I Look To The Sky
Train

db

“Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion.”
Dylan Thomas