The Hunted



Dateline:  The Toyota Bonus Bucks Tournament


Check out this smack down:


Bowman/Overstreet…smack back coming your way…and I quote from you:


“Don Bah-rone, the Yankee hippee…would make an excellent second for Gallagher. He even wears goofy hats.” 


When  I worked at ESPN for those 15 years, I held the record for the number of people outside the company, who tried to get me fired.


I think, last I heard, it was 37…37 times, someone, other than the people who hired me, wanted to get me canned.


Here’s EXACTLY why…as an investigative reporter I would always do interviews as, “an excellent second for Gallagher,” while wearing, “goofy hats,” on backwards.


A few weeks/months later once the story hit air and the interviewees saw how much trouble/how much evidence I had on them they would inevitably call one of my several thousands bosses and try to get me fired.


ESPN never fired me.


ESPN never killed a story of mine.


One boss once told a friend of mine exactly this, “if they take his looks as someone stupid or someone they can intimate, they do so at their own peril.”


“...and another one gone…”

More smack:


“We look like a couple of NFL linemen psyching up for battle. Every once in a while, Overstreet will send a forearm shiver to the dash, growl out a “Bah-rone” and then sit back and work himself up again.”


Smack back:


I have several NFL lineman friends, covered bunches of NFL games from the sidelines and the locker rooms, in my entire decade of covering the NFL I have never actually ever witnessed a lineman shiver any inanimate object, much less a Toyota dashboard.


That’s just what lineman in Disney movies do.


Since that may be the first time either one of you have ever laid a “shiver” on anything, please be careful…don’t want you hurting and moaning about your casting arm having a touch of the “shivers” or something.


BTW…I too am “psyching up for battle,” by blasting The Stones through my headphones and drinking frozen Margaritas so cold I too am…shivering.


“…and another one gone…”


More Smack:


“Bah-rone is already crawfishing, just a little, planning on not weighing any fish, just taking photos of whatever he can find as some sort of proof. As veterans of this game, the measuring stick is and always will be the scales.


So here is the call out: Bah-rone, bring your fish to the scales or forever be ridiculed by Team Redneck. Beat us on the scales, dude.”


Smack Back:


Mambe Pambe all you want about me not weighing in fish, but I am not going to get in the way of legit anglers coming here to fish this tournament, I’m not going to do anything that hinders their ability to excel…for me dudes this is just a story, with a smack down going on, I will not ruin anyone else’s day…


…I say that so that if you think I haven’t prepared for this and done some homework on this and that I’m walking into the drawdown unarmed you are thinking so…at your own peril.


But Team Redneck…if you want to stick out whatever color neck you have on the scales…I’m ready.


WE weigh-in like this…everyone else weighs in, IT IS THEIR TOURNAMENT BTW…then you and Overstreet go forearm shiver something ON THE WAY BACK TO YOUR BOAT.


You and Overstreet, against me…back out on the water once the final fish is weighed in…we go out for ONE HOUR…you shiver your fish into the boat…at the end of that hour we will come back and face the scales.


Sudden death.


One hour.


“Crawfishing” back at you.


I bought a 7-day Alabama fishing license, I’ll go to the scales all week if you want.


“…hey I'm gonna get you too…”


Last Smack:


“Bah-rone is fishing his first tournament, and it’s up to us to beat him to smithereens, just like Gallagher walloping a watermelon…. two horsemen of the apocalypse are galloping your way. “


Two horsemen of the apocalypse, would technically be just “Two Horsemen of the ____lypse.”  You dudes are just half an apocalypse, you’re going to need a bigger, “____lypse.”


…at your own peril.


I may look like Gallagher, though I lean more to a resemblance to David Crosby myself,


I don’t actually ever get my head in the game until you say I stink, or can’t do something, or that I’m sure to fail,


in the beginning many folks said a writer who doesn’t fish writing about fishing would never last,




dudes, I want to thank you because now, now, you’ve got me interested,




in the last year and a half I’ve had,


Prostate Cancer,


Brain Tumor,


Fractured Knee,


beat that apocalypse,




“…another one bites the dust.”

Another One Bites The Dust