"I assure you, I know some places that suck,” said Gerald Swindle to B.A.S.S. emcee Dave Mercer after weighing his very light bag of fish at the end of a tough day. I reach for my notebook and immediately write that one down.
Writing down “overheard quotes” from the stage is one of the things I do while shooting a weigh-in. Quite frankly it helps keep my eyes from glazing over after about tournament No. 500, or whatever that number is, where my butt has been planted front and center during a Bassmaster weigh-in. It’s sitting there and listening to what the best anglers in the world have to say about their day that holds my interest. I can shoot weigh-in photos in my sleep, but I’m still fascinated by what they will say.
A good quote from the stage, or my opinion of what a good quote is, can be many things. But for some reason the ones that describe a bad day seem to get written down more than most. There just seems to be a sort of brutal honesty about them.
So I went back a few years and searched for some of the more “self-disparaging” quotes along with a few others that were overheard from the stage.
“An eight-hour day seems like a long time, but it’s not when you’re confused.” ~ Mike Iaconelli
“Sometimes when you take the road less traveled, you get lost.” ~ Rick Clunn
“I went to my big fish and culled up to 5.9 pounds.” ~ Jeff Kriet
“Still trying to figure out if I’m fishing with nerves of steel or pure stupidity.” ~ Cliff Crochet
“I opened up the rod box to get another rod out, and it was empty.” ~ Kevin Short
“All the sandbagging you usually hear … it’s for real this time.” ~ Mark Davis
“I told my Marshal at one o’clock, thank God I’m in the Classic … cause I’m about to zero in this sucker.” ~ Keith Combs
“Better to suck today than yesterday.” ~ Jeff Kriet
"When the tournament started I thought I had a good chance of not catching a fish.” ~ Pete Ponds
“I don’t know how I caught that fish. I guess he just decided to give up.” ~ David Walker after weighing only one fish on Day 2
“Swindle said he’s gonna have a yard sale … I’m having a bon fire.” ~ David Walker discussing the frustration of a slow day on the water
“Everything I found in practice was good for nothing.” ~ Britt Myers
“I hope we have a Day 2…this wind and all. All weather men lie, but this guy up here?!?” ~ Mark Davis
“The Arkansas River’s hard on everybody…It doesn’t care where you come from.” ~ Arkansas pro Kevin Short
“I think I could practice another two weeks and not figure these fish out.” ~ Paul Elias
“I’m gonna follow KVD around tomorrow, and every time he culls I’m gonna throw that shaky-head in there.” ~ Marty Robinson
“Never believe an Elite Series guy; they’re always lying to you.” ~ Boyd Duckett
“They don’t do exactly the way I want them to do on this lake.” ~ Mark Davis
“The biggest fish I had in that bag was smaller than the swimbait Steve Kennedy is throwing.” ~ Mike Iaconelli
“Better to suck today than yesterday.” ~ Jeff Kriet
“Clear water and no wind scare the hell out of me.” ~ Jason Christie
“I finally had to break down and borrow a spinning reel and some six-pound line. I don’t carry that stuff with me.” ~ Rick Clunn
“You’ll have a good time tomorrow, I won’t be here.” ~ Mike McClelland
“This lake is so big you can run a pattern or fish an area. Today I did neither.” ~ David Walker
“Whatever I threw today, I ain’t throwing it tomorrow. Wherever I went today, I ain’t going back.” ~ Kevin Short
“I’m back in this place so far by myself; it’s kind of like Deliverance.” ~ Brandon Card
“This whole week's been like an ugly blind date … it's a good thing it ended early.” ~ Denny Brauer after missing the cut
“I fished a little goofy yesterday, I’m not gonna lie.” ~ Jeff Kriet
“I think I did better last year when I was dehydrated and had kidney stones.” ~ Brent Broderick
“I had to get a pardon from the governor to catch that one fish.” ~ Bernie Schultz after bring only one fish to the scales
Now that you have read those, let us move on to the undisputed “king of quotes,” Gerald Swindle. Dave Mercer and I have talked about this and have come up with a theory: When Swindle has a good day, his quotes are not nearly as good, but when he has a bad day, that’s when he brings it.
I can almost tell it in his body language when he hands his weigh-in bag over to B.A.S.S. Tournament Director Trip Weldon. But when he has his hat pulled down about as low as it will go, and there’s a certain scowl on his face that doesn’t change…he’s looking down at the display on the scales…when his hands go to his hips, I immediately reach for the notebook…
“I’m catching one fish for every 41 gallons of gas.” ~ Gerald Swindle
“I was boat No. 96 this morning and they can whine and cry all they want to…but I’m coming in there like Earnhardt in the morning.” ~ Gerald Swindle
“I looked like Steve Wonder out there trying to play basketball.” ~ Gerald Swindle
“If anybody wants to write a story on how to catch one fish and spend about $9,000, then I’m the man to talk to.” ~ Gerald Swindle
"Junk fishing is what I'm good at, that and running around confused." ~ Gerald Swindle
“Them fish had me ready to fight Satan twice today.” ~ Gerald Swindle
“My butt is dragging my tracks out. I’m so tired I fished with two jigs that had rusty hooks, because I didn’t want to dig new ones out of the tackle box.” ~ Gerald Swindle
“I’m doing what I do best, just run around lost and let the wind drift me.” ~ Gerald Swindle
And here’s a final quote from the “G Man.” I’m leaving out the name of the lake intentionally to protect the guilty. “If I had a house on Lake ‘X,’ I would burn it down and move back to Alabama." ~ Gerald Swindle